Day 13: Being “Special”

This one’s been driving me crazy over the past couple of years. Probably since the moment they handed me my degree. That was when I was supposed to march out into the world and Do What I Love, Follow My Passion, Chase My Dreams. Just one problem. University, budding adulthood, going from one of the smartest kids in school to a mediocre face in the crowd – it all kind of knocked the wind out of my sails.

I’m definitely part of the generation that was raised constantly being told I was special. And I’m not sure it did me much good. Despite the loving intentions of the adults around me, I didn’t hear “You are inherently special” so much as “Our expectation is that you be special, and you demonstrate your specialness on a regular basis.” Continue reading “Day 13: Being “Special””

Day 12: Why Self-Love is Vital

I’ve heard it a thousand times: learn to love yourself before you try to love someone else.

I always thought it was a prudent game plan, an act of self-protection and diligence, like putting on your knee guards before you step out on the ice. You’re just…supposed to love yourself before giving someone your heart. That’s the order of things.

I didn’t realize loving yourself is how you learn to love others. That without practicing radical self-acceptance, you can’t love other people.

That’s right. Can’t. I don’t believe it’s possible.  Continue reading “Day 12: Why Self-Love is Vital”

Day 10: The Work I Love

I’m writing so much these days. I absolutely adore it. After such a long personal fallow season of writing only diaries and prayers, to be making poems, overflowing with ideas – it’s such a rich time.

I’m watching the first season of Smash, a show I watched religiously when it first came out a few years ago. Seeing people working towards their dreams, following their hearts; it’s such a timeless, sweet theme. Well, most of the time.

When I saw Zootopia last year, despite thoroughly enjoying it, I couldn’t help but think: “Ugh, Disney, another wide-eyed ingenue pursuing her dream. Really?”

It can definitely be overdone and oversimplified, especially in family movies – the endless exhortation to “Follow Your Heart” can be dry and flat, and even frustrating when your passion or interests are particularly elusive. So what is it about now, about this show that makes my sentimental heart flutter against my ribs when last year I might have turned up my nose in disgust? Continue reading “Day 10: The Work I Love”

Day 9: Just Do Right

“You know what’s right. Just do right. Right may not be expedient, it may not be profitable. But it will satisfy your soul.”

– Maya Angelou

As it stands, I have two jobs. By which I mean I’m self-employed with two online companies that pay next to nothing and don’t always have work available. But still, for the purposes of this post, let’s say I have two jobs. One is as a transcriber of audio files, the other is with a content mill.

A content mill, if you don’t know, acts as a middle man between clients and writers, offering a platform for people to request articles or blog posts or e-books from a variety of writers for a very inexpensive rate. Often, the clients (at least on the site I have seen) give little to no detail about the job. Sometimes they give only the title of the article or a keyword they’d like you to include. The accepting scribe then produces the article for a couple of dollars and the client gets to release it. Under their name. To my mild amusement, these sites often make a big show of using software to verify none of what their writers produce is plagiarized. God forbid they try to take credit for someone else’s work.  Continue reading “Day 9: Just Do Right”

Day 8: Perception

“Listen to this! Jess, listen! He’s saying “It’s so hard to keep this mouth on my face!””

“I really don’t think so, B.”

“No, here.” My brother skipped back on the song and held out his phone to me.

“It’s smile from my face.”

No. How can you not hear it?”

He played it over and over, utterly sure he was right.

I grinned at his conviction, then googled the lyrics to prove it to him. “See? Stuck in the Middle With You. “It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face.””

“Well it’s wrong. I hear “mouth.””

“Why don’t you listen again and try to hear “smile”?” Continue reading “Day 8: Perception”

Day 7: Things Get Trickier

The numbers 1111 have been popping up a lot for me lately. I find myself glancing at the clock dead on whenever it ticks around, I see it in books and on signs. Because I’m super into Doreen Virtue right now and have a lot of free time, I decided to look up what that means in her world. What I learned is repeatedly seeing 1111 around is a sign from spirits, angels, the Universe, whatever name you’re most comfortable with, that you need to be watchful of your thoughts because they are becoming form instantly. Be careful what you think, it’s immediately coming into being around you.

Damn. No pressure or anything. Continue reading “Day 7: Things Get Trickier”

Day 6: How We’re “Supposed” to Feel

I went upstairs a couple of hours ago to see my mum watching a video on Facebook.

“This is yours,” she said.

Mine? I hadn’t made a video. Watching it, I saw a request from a family who seem perfectly lovely for a nanny/homeschool teacher to travel around the world with them for a year.

An incredible opportunity, right?

A friend of mine had tagged me in the link and my mum was actively encouraging me to apply. They very sweetly thought of me and quite innocently suggested I take a look.

A suggestion my brain chose to interpret as … an expectation. Continue reading “Day 6: How We’re “Supposed” to Feel”