Day 24: As the Walls Come Down

I’m trapped in a room

because I wanted to be somewhere else,

to be anywhere but here,

and I’m punished for thinking it could be that easy.

The cage came down,

the walls began to crumble,

because I wished it be different.

I’ve only brought more pain.

I crawl, struggle, and steal

to get out of there,

out of the present,

out of the longing for things

to be anything other than what they are.

I pry open the door, leaving blood on my fingers.

 

Outside, dazed and shaken,

I reach out for comfort,

and find only disdain.

I’ve become desperate,

a weeping child, begging

for someone else to release

the monsters inside me.

 

Inside, I haven’t left,

the room still holds me prisoner.

A flash of white light

and there I am again,

back in the mess, the cage, the fear.

I breathe, try to accept my uncertain fate.

 

Perhaps the room does not punish,

but I punish myself,

in my longing and loneliness.

Maybe I am not trapped,

just fighting to live

in a place that doesn’t exist.

Can I trust this room

holds all that I need?

Can I look down and realize?

despite the cold and the chaos and the rubble,

that I’m fine.

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