I am so not qualified to write about this. I am currently in quite an anxiety-ridden, fear-filled stage of my life. Then again, so is the rest of this world.
I won’t bore you with all the things I’ve been wondering about lately because most of them are of an unimportant, personal nature – many of them involving what I’m going to do next in my life. Should I get a car? Should I get a job here? I’m supposed to be moving soon, will I like it there? Should I go back to the ashram I just left? Should I travel? Should I volunteer? Round and round goes the carousel, my mind stuck on this candy-coloured ride of what were once exciting possibilities, and now just leave me nauseated. Then of course, buried in denial and terror under that are all the fears that don’t feel remotely under my control: the state of the world, the political and social climate, the treatment of minorities, of animals, the environment. My parents’ hobby farm at the foot of the Rockies has become a perfect metaphor for my state of mind. Let me just hide away in the middle of nowhere, back in time, with only the most familiar of things, where I feel safe.
The only thing that feels within my fearful grasp is writing. And now sharing that writing. Although the sharing part was much in question for a long time. This morning I watched a YouTube video by Gabby Bernstein on How to Connect with your Spirit Guides which settled the issue. She suggested a free writing exercise to tap into your wisest self, the intuitive, eternal part of ourselves that can lead us home. So I tried it. And here’s what happened:
Dear Spirit Guides,
I welcome only the Guides of the Highest Truth and Compassion to please speak through me now and help me on my path. I don’t know what to do. Everyone is hurting. Love. Give love. Be love. You Are Love. How? What should I do? I’m scared. There is nothing to fear, we are with you. Don’t worry. We’ll tell you what to write. Concentrate on feeling good, that’s when you’re powerful. There’s so much fear. Love be thy medicine. What about money? Realize your own abundance. What about my parents? Show them love and forgive. So I should write a blog? You should give love to the world. There is no wrong way. There’s still so much I don’t understand. You don’t have to today. Just walk in faith and devotion, that is your strength. Thank you, thank you. We are always with you.
Now. I don’t share this to show off about some professed special connection. Anyone can do this. The sections in bold are where I consciously chose my words, and the rest is simply where I did my best to breathe and allow whatever wanted to come from my unconscious to come forward. I still don’t get a lot of it. “Realize your own abundance”? What does that mean? Am I going into debt or not, guys?? Nor am I claiming I was divinely guided to write this, although I think God comes in wherever God is invited, and it is my intention to invite Spirit along for this endeavour and everything I do. I’m sharing it because it reminded me that there is a wiser, more patient, more loving part of myself living under all this fear and insecurity and clinging. And it’s my belief that little voice lives in all of us. That is what gives me hope.
I still have no idea what I’m going to do for the next four months till I move, or indeed anything about how my future will look. I have no control over what the world will look like. But that’s okay. It’s not my world to control. It’s my world to love. Because love is the antidote to fear. And when you’re coming from a place of love, there is no wrong way to give light to the world.
Love be thy medicine.